Being a Musician

I guess this is in light of our performance tonight.
Playing with the Wind Ensemble tonight has made me realize that I'm really going to miss band in college. The decision I've made to not major in music was a tough one, but I also know it was the right choice. I don't think I could be content to sit still and not be OUT there exploring, helping, learning, knowing, living. Don't get me wrong, musicians are wonderful people, and I'd love to somehow continue with music, but if I had to make a choice... I couldn't choose music. I know there are so many things to learn in the world of music, and that I've only scratched the surface, but there are so many mysteries in the world that I'm just dying to solve. The thought of being able to go out and actively help people makes me so happy. I'm honestly just so excited to have that chance!
With music, there are so many expectations that I seriously don't know if I can live up to. I have big shoes to fill. I know I can't BE that person, and that all I can do is be who I am and give it my best shot... but I worry that being April isn't good enough. I don't know if I could ever be a great musician. Sure, I'm good now, but what does that really mean in high school?
The thought of never playing music again breaks my heart. So regardless of where I end up after high school, I know that I'll always be that secret musician. Maybe not involved in groups in school, but outside of school. Or just by myself ... Anyways, I wouldn't trade these years in band for the world. Not only have I had fun, but I've met some amazing people, and learned so much about life in general.